Becoming the Person You'd Want to Be Friends With

“Confess to one another that you may be healed…” — James 5:16

Have you ever sat with the ache of not feeling truly seen? Or walked into a room and felt like you were orbiting around connection, but never quite landing? I have. And it's one of the loneliest feelings in the world.

For years, I longed for deep, soul-level friendships—the kind where you're texting each other memes and praying each other through heartbreak, laughing till your stomach hurts and being held through the tears. I wanted my people. My tribe. The kind of circle that claps for you in public and corrects you in private. But I didn’t realize that the first step to finding those people... was becoming one of those people myself.

For all of my 20s I tried to be every type of girl you can imagine. The "chill" girl, who never let anything bother her and "didn't care." The secret was that I cared. Very much.

I tried being the "boss babe" girl who was high-powered, driven, sassy and sophisticated. It was exhausting, and even though I reached success to much of the world's standards (awards, TV appearances, being featured in major publications like Vogue and Forbes, and growing my marketing business revenue to 6-figures annually) I somehow felt even emptier than when I'd started.

It took me until my 30s to realize something had to give. I couldn't be anybody until I knew who I was. At that point in my life, I wasn't even sure who I wanted to be. After trying to “be her” and feeling less and less like “me,” I understood that becoming the type of person you want to be friends with comes with stripping away the job title, the career accomplishments, the perfect physique, hair, makeup, overly-edited Instagram photos, and the expensive clothes. Finding out who was I without any of those materialistic crutches wasn't something I could do on my own.

The first thing I did was pray. Earnestly... and Iike I'd never prayed before. I'd grown up in a traditional Southern Christian household and always felt like I knew God. But I never did personally. It wasn't until my first husband died, and I hit the lowest point I'd ever been in my life, that I knew I couldn't keep relying on my feelings to dictate my decisions in life, business, friendships or relationships.

My self-awareness level was intellectual, but not genuine. For two decades I'd read all the self-help books, created mantras, flowed through meditations and designed aesthetic vision boards. But one night on my knees God met me in a way I'd never known before and after that I knew I could always call on Him for strength, purpose and guidance, especially when things felt helpless.

With a changed and determined mindset, and the power of faith and prayer, I began to write — I wanted to create a blueprint to help others go from feeling disconnected and confused over why they didn't feel like they "belonged," to truly connected and rooted in purpose and clarity with themselves... And their tribe.

Here are four things I’ve learned about becoming the person you’d want to be friends with:

Self-Awareness Is Your Superpower

You can't become someone you want to be friends with if you don't know who you are. What lights you up? What drains you? What values guide your decisions? The more you know yourself, the more authentic you'll show up—and authenticity is magnetic.

If you find yourself constantly mirroring others, changing your personality depending on the room, or shrinking your light to make others comfortable, pause and reflect. The friends you're meant to have can't find you if you're hiding the real you.

Heal What Makes You Unavailable

Sometimes we say we want connection, but our hearts are too guarded to let it in. We fear rejection, so we reject others first. We keep relationships shallow because depth feels dangerous.

But healing makes you available.

When you start tending to the parts of yourself that were hurt, abandoned, or misunderstood, you stop expecting others to "fix" you and start inviting them to know the healed you. That version of you? She attracts aligned relationships without force.

Practice the Energy You Want to Attract

If you want people who are kind, generous, funny, honest, and supportive, ask yourself: am I consistently embodying those traits?

It doesn’t mean being perfect. It means being intentional. Smile first. Initiate the hangout. Text first. Remember their dog’s name. Check in when they cancel plans. Be someone who makes others feel seen—not because you're trying to impress them, but because you're rooted in love, not lack. Assume the best about people and believe that unless they show you differently.

Own Your Worth (Even If You’re Still Growing)

You are worthy of deep, life-giving friendship right now. Not after you lose 10 pounds. Not when your career takes off. Not when you’re more confident.

Right now. As you are.

The people who are meant for you will love watching you evolve, but they won’t require you to be a polished version of yourself before they show up. So don’t disqualify yourself from connection just because you’re still becoming.

Becoming the person you’d want to be friends with is not about performance—it's about alignment. When your inner world is grounded, your outer world reflects it. You don't chase connection; you create it.

And when you live from that place, you won’t just attract a circle.

You’ll attract a home.

Want to go deeper? Download my free eBook, "How to Build a Social Circle That Supports and Elevates You" — It's full of practical steps to help you assess, upgrade, and build your circle with intention.

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